i know its been years since i updated and my chatbox thingy died, but i dont give a damn. maybe just one or two damns, but not too many. anyways you all still suck and i still love everyone. this holy land was resurrected thanks to a certain someone, yes you know who you are. i cannot remember the last time i laughed so loudly in the early morning, other than the time when i saw that guy's penis from across the block. woa fuckkkkkkkkk.

p.s. people from the block across mine, please keep your private parts to yourself, its not called a private part for nothing, or it'll be called a public part. thanks, muacks.

anyways, behold.... an msn convo. being a nice guy, i blurred the face and did some scribbling, so as to protect the rights of our dear noob.

the image is blur, click on it and see the WHOLE THING.

part2

NOOB.

YAY ! rejoice for the great revival of the SAGE....

Anyway.

This is obviously a post about penguins, as mentioned in the title.

movies get really boring sometimes . why ? i'll tell you.

HORROR - horror movie stinks, its totally full of fuck.

'

HOW HORROR MOVIES BEGIN

1. stupid science experiments go wrong, unleashing extremely ugly looking bitches to harm us.

2.GHOSTS / VAMPIRES / SHITHEADS / whatever those legends or myths have to offer are out to haunt the people.

3.ALIENS suck ass. they appear all of a sudden, and tries to kill us . but i can jolly well understand. i know the reason why .

above is the fucking reason.

NO, dont be silly , aliens dont want to eat us , they just want to murder the shit out of us an steal our amazing technology.

Despite the aliens having laser guns and proton cannons and all that bullcrap, they have no entertainment. what do they do when they are free ? they watch wrestling. and what do they do when wrestling shows are over ? they come to EARTH to kill us.

AND JUST HOW DO horror movies end ?

1.everybody in the show dies. you have just been cheated of your money.

2.everybody but the couple dies. you have still been cheated of your money.

3. OK SMART ASS, i know that there are slightly different endings, but horror sucks so much, it is sucking the air out of my lungs , and with that, i am unable to continue writing about just how sucky it is.

MOVIES about sports

WOA WOA WOA WOA WOA . total nonsense.

the team or person meets a great rival/opposition in the competitions, and then loses. and in the end, the taem wins. YAY .

space jam or mighty ducks or mighty fucks or whatever shit sports movies suck till the end of the striped panties

the only movie that i have seen that was about sports and was totally hardcore, was MILLION DOLLAR BABY. it OWNS.

WAR MOVIES !

these movies are crazy good. most of the time alot of bloodshed and CG and stuff. good storylines most of the time. whether its star was or kingdom of heaven or saving private ryan, they were pretty entertaining. i shall not use any profanity in this section to show my respect for this genre.

HOLLYWOOD style

hardcore racism- its either an action movie about a white guy beating up ALOT of chinese dudes, or a chinese guy thrashing ALOT of white ass.

car haters- nobody hates cars as much as hollywood. just look at the amount of cars that they destroyed in X-men 3 or XXX , what the fuck ?

these are golden movie equations

amount of money spent on meaningless destruction is not proportionate to the succes of the movie

the better looking the character is , the less likely it is for him/her to die

if there is no explosion in it, that action movie sucks

if there is no dying in it, that horror movie sucks

if there is no women in it, that romance film is gay

sports movies suck 99% of the time,if you want to see some sports stuff, watch ESPN, it doesnt fucking help to watch movies.

if the movie poster sucks, so will the movie

oh

well

thats

enough

til next time

with love and crap

the very sexy sage trying

to make the shape of a christmas

tree

ok

this

is

not

easy

this are the most retarded kind of deaths. there is nothing you can do other than cry like a baby and hope that it doesn't happen to you .


12. You get killed by a super market trolley, smoehow

11. Like the people in LOST, you survive a plane crash, but later the lightning strikes you to death. totally anti-climax shit.

10. Die choking on ice-cream. Ice creams melts, so how the hell do you die choking on ice-cream ? If you somehow die of that, I hope you reincarnate soon.

9. ... You walk out of the shopping centre, carrying all the stupid shits that you buy from capitalist bastards, then WHOOSH ! your body is chopped into half by a faulty automatic sliding door.

8. When celebrating your birthday, somebody throws a birthday cake at your face, and you die of suffocation. Everybody else parties over your dead body, because they are all drunk.

7. You get knocked over by a train, because you went onto the tracks to retrieve your $2 slippers .

6. You die while having sex....... seriously, WHAT THE FUCK ? cyber sex ?

5. you die trying to pronounce the word hierarchical

4. you fall of a chair and die. I cannot picture this at all....

3. The meteorite that superman was in hits you while you are watching porn one day

2. The PS2 dual shock II controller vibrates you to death.

1. You choke on a fishball, but manage to get it out of your throat. And in 2 seconds time, because you are a greedy fucker, you eat another fishball, and this time, you choke to death.

ah bengs rock. they are almost the only "culture" that we can really claim to be our own.

I was going home from an MRT station one day, when the annoyingly annoying announcements are made. It was something like "BLA BLA BLA darth vader eats jelly beans when he is naked yay bla bla

(then the most important part)

SIMI LAN SIMI LAN SIMI LAN

Then from behind me, an ah beng said to himself, "SIMI LAN JIAO ????"

(translates to WHAT THE cock/penis/dick/john thomas/male reproductive organ)

I almost laughed out. I knew it was disrepectful to laugh at our nation's pride, the high and mighty ah bengs.

SUCH COURAGE AND FREEDOM OF SPEECH !

I saluted him in the MRT station, hoping that he would continue to do our country proud.

Another thing.

Their dress codes are bold and simply amazing.

They used to have centre-parted hair, very tight no rules T-shirts and a comb sticking out of their back pocket.

As the times have changed, they have also moved on. We could see how much time has an impact on cultures. Not quite sure what they wear now, they wear almost anything. Keeping in mind, to be "HIP" and "TRENDY". YAY !

The funny part is that when ah bengs reach a certain age, they suddenly become normal people again, or some end up in jail or stuff. Its really weird. It is a teenage culture kind of thing, somewhat like puberty, it actually comes to an end.

Their accent is almost impossible to imitate, it sounds like they have about 5433 ants running up their asses. Totally pissed of all of the time, and mastered the art to speak with nothing but profanities. They are amazing people.

I hereby wish to set up SUPAB (pronounced as superb)

it stands for SINGAPORE'S UNITED PROTECTION FOR AH BENGS

to cherish these endangered species of humans, before they are all gone. What would we tell our future generations ? Like how our ancestors bullshitted about the dodo birds and panda bears and sabretooth tigers ? NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine how sad it would be like that our future generations can only see them (referring to the ah bengs and ah lians and everything in between) in history text books. Such a tragic sight. Let us stand together and love them !

I have written a cheer to show my greatest sincerity

here goes

give me an "a"

give me an "n"

and skip everything in between !

(its ok to skip since they cannot understand what we are trying to articulate)

AHHHHHHH BENG !

ah beng ah beng drink SUGAR CANE !

I AM NOT SARCASTIC

Its been so long since i updated. I hope you people out there are still alive too.

i have a new logo ! but don't really like it, would have a new one soon

Well, as usual, I shall impart more of my knowledge, so listen up, or you may choose to leave now and be an idiotic shit for the rest of your not so long lives.

ok,
anyway.

These are somethings that you should not do, or you would be condemned for the rest of eternity.

1. Don't dig your nose in public, unless you are on a TV show that requires you to do that or if someone pays you to do so. Its no point covering your nose when doing it, people would still know. So finger it elsewhere, don't be so horny. In ancient times, people would most probably stone you to death.

2. Never admit that you watch survivor. Even if you really like the show, which makes you an undeniable imbecile, don't show your love for it. It is the second worst show on Earth, the first being the purple dinosaur that just wouldn't eat the kids in the show. (do i have to spell it out ? B A R N E * ) To watch a whole series of survivor is surviving.

3. Don't dye your hair purple. oh please. I don't even want to talk about it. Its like Ribena is spilt on your head.

4. Return your library books on time.

5. Don't hump strangers. This applies to alot of kiasu fucks that i encounter everyday. When the damn bus is full, they would just bloody push and fuck their way throught the crowd, trying to tap their Ez link cards. Oh holy fucking cow testicles, could you just wait ? its not like you would be charged more if you wait a little longer. so please, don't hump innocent kids like me.

6. Order your food in an intelligent manner. Example. This moron before me says to the poor counter boy at Mcdonalds " erm one coke and fries, then another big mac meal, then double what i have just ordered ." WTF ? isnt that just 2 big mac meals, 2 cokes and 2 fries ? just say it clearly, i know we have learnt to solve problem sums, but ordering like that is being plain stupid. eating here or want to get your head sliced off you dumb bitch.

7. Don't watch tv mobile. OHHHHHHHH PLEASE ! the only thing they show there is diva on a dime. I have almost never seen anything else. whats worst then being humped by strangers on the bus ? Being humped by strangers on the bus + diva on a dime.......

8. Don't talk, or hum tunes or sing in public for no reason at all. Thats what separates a sane human from an insane one. Don't pretend you're using a earpice or some kind of communication gadget, because most people are only half-idiots, they would still realise that you're talking to yourself.

9. Don't wear short skirts if your legs look like ham. I describe such phenomenons as "combo leg murder". Stop tormenting the world, its disgusting enough as it is. About 8 out of 10 Singaporean dies because of this CLM (combo leg murder), AIDS ? cancer ? not as deadly as this shit.

10. KABOOM !

ok bye love you all !
will be back soon

This post is a tragical one, be warned that the things that you are about to hear about might cause headaches or great discomforts near the area where there is alot of curly hair. (dont think dirty) anyway.

It was a bright and sunny morning. I went to watch a movie in the afternoon.( realise my great "twist in the story, from morning to afternoon) So being a moron, you would ask, which movie?

UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE

Vampires fighting werewolves. what could go wrong? EVERYFUCKINGSHITTHING

i thought i would give the sequel a chance, because sequels are normally better, but once again...

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE

If you wanted to wank during some of the "sex scenes" in the movie, you would be greatly disappointed, because if you are an average human, you blink, and if you blink, you would have missed the sex scene. haha too bad, keep your tissue paper asshole.

The fight scenes were short and meaningless. This badass vampire flys in, and swoop, there is a teeny weeny bit of blood and no screaming . or is there? maybe ? who cares? bottom line, it was definitely not enough. To even set out to do a vampire "movie" the makers should be planning a pretty damn violent fight scenes, but this was pretty disappointing. i would say blade was better.

How about a scnene like that?

This might have been better

The story is totally fucking gay. First, there is this werewolf/vampire hybrid thingy, which sounded like some kind of asskicking hero that would save the world. But sadly, looks like the hulk

And why the fuck can Selina (kate) beat the shit out of almost every opponent when she is just a regular vampire. (this is mostly about the first underworld movie)

The guy who is always in the ship (i have no idea who he is, i can be bothered to care)

has 2 sons

one is a

vampire, while the other one is a werewolf

(matthew tried to explain to me)

WOW! POW!

WTF story is that? totaly uncool to the core of the ah beng nation, no matter how the creators try to explain this "interesting plot" i think its plain dumb

Selina (a vampire) had sex with _______ ( the vampire/werewolf dude)

Erm? So maybe catfishes can have sex with cats and fishes.

It just doesnt make any sense to me at all.

So whats their offspring gonna be??

a vampire/vampire/werewolf? or from an algebraic point of view, 2 vampire 1 werewolf, 2 v 1 w ?

oh lets just leave it

Where are the humans in this show? The humans seem to be a bunch of totally brainless fucks who knows about nothing and only cares about eating mcdonalds. There is so much of vampires and werewolves fighting all over the damn place, and the humans are like just some natives of planet EARTH, standing around eating popcorn and watching those freaks fight. The humans are totally being ignored in the story, only a few "great ones" are in the movie. The rest of the world is just sleeping around or flying kites. I mean, dont the humans still make up most of the population in the story ?

Only some of the few more wrinkled and old vampires can fly. So what can the majority of vampires in the show do ? suck blood. thats all. fucking disapointing. not much of super strength, practically nothing.

the werewolves can make themselves look even uglier than they already are.

( this is the part where the effects suck )

but there are some good things about the movie

KATE is bloody sexy

The fighting towards the end of the show were at least able to keep me awake

yup thats all.

you know whats the best part???

If i were not wrong, this movie is a trilogy

which means......

good fucking night

Yours super duper sexily,

SAGE